


Train of Thought

by SupaCutiePatootie (That_Familiar_Feeling)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOREVER, Most other characters wont even be talking, got him mid monologue happy?, lots of au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3785956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Familiar_Feeling/pseuds/SupaCutiePatootie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's seen many things. he's felt many things.</p><p>The life of a mercenary is always uncertain.<br/>It's never the same.</p><p>It may repeat. It may mimic.<br/>But it will never be the same.</p><p>And even when all things change,<br/>It all seems the same</p><p>And for some- it always ends the same way as it began...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sic sempur tyrannis

**Author's Note:**

> ameneurosis  
> n. the half-forlorn, half-escapist ache of a train whistle calling in the distance at night.
> 
> Edit Note- 11.17.16   
> I changed the summary, I found the right word after all. I think I will change the title...or not. Seeing as the title has a more literal connection to what has been written. Same story, new summary.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "thus always to tyrants"
> 
> Ego walks hand in hand with Hubris.  
> And sometimes it makes passes at Death.
> 
> Perhaps this is a lesson a certain mercenary should have learned. Perhaps had he, he would have learned his lesson. And just perhaps, he wouldn't be here now.
> 
> Leave it to Felix though, leave it to him. Let him pick up his own pieces.  
> But you don't expect him to do it alone do you?

The planet is just another planet to Felix, the lights just blur together and the cold of rain is just another numb feeling. His memory was fuzzy, but he could clearly recall only a few hours ago he was standing over a thoroughly battered and de-helmeted Agent Washington. As a train whistle echoes across the pavement he recalls his last memories.

The battle was spontaneous, lucky mostly. Somehow those reds and blues had gotten themselves split up and he had the perfect jump on him. Washington was easy to take down. He was weak compared to his late companions.

It hadn’t taken Felix long at all to get the upper hand. Sure he probably cheated but a fight is a fight and he fought to win. It was an extra bonus when the Agent’s helmet rolled away a crack through the visor.

“Aww..who would have guessed you have a pretty mug under that” Felix had grabbed him by the hair and dragged him away from the weapon he was reaching for. “Ah but I’m sure I’m not the first to see it huh? To bad I’ll be the last though.” Felix pulled out the traditional blade he used and grinned beneath his own visor.

Washington spit blood his way and mumbled his speech slurred and bleary. “Oh? What was that I didn’t hear. To busy thinking about just how prettier I can make that face. I can make it a present for that Captain of yours. “at the mention the Agent’s eyes burned holes into his helmet. This got a laugh from Felix,”Won’t that be nice? First time he sees your face and its carved like some hipsters art project...ah but wait..” he pulled the Agent up to half his height,”I bet he’s already seen it hasn’t he?”

The lack of response made him cackle,”I knew it! How much you to babbled about finding each other. Everyone called it.” he sneered,”To bad though, I was honestly rooting for you.” he shoved him backwards and watched the man sprawl his armor cracked and a large bloom of red spreading through parts of his power suit.

“Maybe we should do this Shakespeare style though? “ he spun the knife around and cocked his head rearing his arm back ,”A true Romeo and Juliet wouldn’t be complete without the tragedy would it? The real tragedy is that he was too late to save you  just like everyone else he’s ever cared about…”

The feeling of being run through the middle would forever haunt him.

It wasn't like normal knives and swords. Those he had plenty of practice with. those he could handle. It burned. Fiercer than any bullet, any flame. He looked down arm still raised and knife shaking in his death grip. The aqua glow against his grey armor was such a pretty contrast.

“Better to be three hours too soon, than a minute too late.” the voice was layered in waves of both hysteria and rage. If he wasn’t currently skewered Felix might have flinched at such a harsh growl. But as it turns out, the blade that just barely missed his spine was being deactivated and the pain was still registering when Felix collapsed to his knees.

His mind was reeling, his arms braced as he fell forward. He could hear the constant shout of _“Wash!” “Wash!!_ ”

He fell to the earth with a soft thud, the pain searing deeper into him. he could faintly see them, Tucker crouched and cradling Washington up to him checking him over and yelling things into his HUD.

The pain began to mask everything, sound, motions, it all became blurred together. He saw but didn’t connect the scene in front of him or rather all around him.

Tucker soon took up a defensive position in front of Washington, his sword raised and a hand ready for his gun. they were watching him. No, they were watching behind him. then above him.

A grey and green armored boot entered the fray and the muddled figure stood in front of Felix.

He wasn’t clear on what was said, but he clearly noticed the orange burst that surrounded them, and firm grip on his arm.

  
And he of course recalled the blackness that swam in from the edges. simply because it was accompanied with “Felix!”

Funny, maybe that was the memory, maybe that was now. Because as it stands Felix is no longer standing and heading face first towards wet pavement...


	2. Ab initio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Beginning

The blackness started to bleed away slowly. 

It took every ounce of strength to wake himself, his limbs felt weighted and drained. When he did get his eyes open Felix was in a very dark and very old room. He was cold and the blankets tucked loosely around him weren't much help. All he could see for now was an old and sooty ceiling and a broken fan. The constant drum of raindrops caught his attention next and further pulled him from the deeps of his sleep. He turned his head and found the source.

An old weathered window took the brunt of a light shower, the gliding down and swirling together in a variety of hues. The city that lie beyond that window was awake and trembling. A low whistle echoed through the alleys and glanced off the window. The sounds stirred a memory in him. He tried to think about it and bring it forward but it was hard to focus. The more awake he became the more the pain resurfaced. 

A strangled sound made its way past the rain and whistles, the steady thrum of a rotten city. Not so much a cry for help but one of pure agony. The rebuttal to such a pitiful cry was a soothing hand along his hair. it startled him at first, made him twitch and whine. every new feeling hurt more and more. but the hand continued to pet through his hair and shush him. he heard a rummaging behind that hand and a sharp pressure against his arm followed.

he hardly registered the needle or its contents, but the sudden relief made it easy to forget to check those things. His word went fuzzy again and the pain numbed. Everything went numb. The drum of the rain and the whistle become muffled together until they formed a single lonesome harmony.

That memory started to come back. A good memory that only needed time before it showed itself again... it whispered and tugged and pulled him back to sleep.

A night like this only years before. When the city was still growing and the people still had an ounce of decency.  Back when the lights shined and twinkled in a different way. When the walls of this old apartment weren't peeling away. 

In its prime, in his dream nonetheless, the room was light by a bright hanging fixture. The window was clear and held fast against the rain that the kiddies would be playing in. The sill was tacked with relics of trips and tours. The walls tacked with memorabilia the same.  Back when pretending was fun.

The walls were red, a nice crimson. The carpet was still corner to corner and pristine grey. Felix felt like he was waking up from a horrible nightmare, draped in silk and cotton. Gentle music pulling his attention to the far corner. 

The sight was like a taste you always knew. Like eating Butterscotch as a child and then drinking it in your coffee years later. 

Locus sat in an old arm chair reading some filed reports. His hair pulled and tied into a messy bun, reading glasses on the tip of his nose. Next to the chair on a short side table a radio was playing some old classic in between. 

Felix remembered this. This year of trying to fit in and arranging everything you ever learned into a tiny boxed apartment. The first year being called  _civilian_ or even so much as  _veteran..._ he war ended and their services were no long needed...they actually thought maybe they could make it work out for themselves. Take on small jobs here and there to keep the thrill. Settling down sounded like such a great idea...and of course they did it together. the rest of their team and crew had either died or vanished off the map.

Together...they hated it. The idleness...the vague paranoia that came with habituals and varying degrees of sanity. That year Felix had looked his doors more times than he had ever opened one. Locus had developed a tendency to linger, linger and fill up as much space as possible. 

It was hell in a box. Sure they had the small gun for hire jobs that they could take be them self or partnered up. But it wasn't enough... it was restless to wait and tend to formalities. This year was torture. But this night...he could recall like a bittersweet song.

The last night...before Locus headed off to work for the Feds under Controls orders. Felix still had more time before the New Republic would be sending him distress calls. But that only meant he'd be spending time in that prison by himself. He was...yeah he was pouting. Felix was currently being a brat and refusing to speak to Locus at all. 

Locus however didn't care if he was spoken to or not. He already had his things ready and the light reading was simply a way to ignore and further frustrate Felix. this was the game they had been playing for weeks. And neither was willing to cave. They were both well aware this was going to be awful. But as usually Locus took the job without even a seconds notion, thus leaving Felix feeling betrayed like a whiny brat. 

Felix tossed and turned until he was comfortable facing the wall, pouting and huffing. The room was oddly cold and it gave him enough excuse to pull the duvet over his head and curl into the foam beneath him.  The music continued and the rain kept pouring and somewhere a train whistled...

"Felix..."

The radio was silenced and the lights were killed. Felix refused to remove himself from the duvet until the soft pad of feet approached and he only peeked over the edge of the blanket before rolling his eyes and sinking back into the warmth. He was safe until that warmth was forcefully pulled away and before even the most basic reaction could set in he was pinned down to the mattress.

"Felix."

And somewhere, the train whistled...

 


	3. Absit inuria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let Injury Be Absent From These Words

"Felix..."

The dream was shattered. The ceiling was shaking above him and raining dust into the sheets on the scraped mattress. The screech of iron and steel was horrific and it seared into his ears painfully. The dream, the memory...it was lost.

"Felix hush..."

A calloused hand ran along his cheek and Felix was abruptly aware of his senses. He was sitting straight up, wide eyed and breathing to quickly. Somewhere between being rudely awoken and waking up fully he had started to sob...probably from the unbelievable pain in his abdomen. He hissed and collapsed backwards, the sudden movements only further worsening his case.

He didn't fall back onto cold matting and harsh springs. Instead there was a strong presence keeping him from hurting himself further. The ringing in his ears masked the soft soothing whispers behind his ear. An arm was wrapped around his shoulders and easing him back down. "It was a dream Felix..." the rasp brought him back to the present and suddenly quiet room.

Felix whimpered and shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the images in his mind. The lingering remnants haunting him. He opened his eyes and the room looked shaken, two images layered on top of each other. The pain was coming back but it didn't feel as terrible as before. He felt shaken and disturbed, sluggish from being asleep to long and being drugged up. He distinctly feel the effects of a drug.

The rain had stopped and slowly the train drew away leaving the room quiet and tense. Felix tried to regain his breath and under silent command Locus' arm withdrew and he could feel the space between them increase. Felix rubbed at his eyes and frowned, he had no idea how long he had been out but knew it was to long.

"Controls...going to be..." he broke the silence with a rasp and a wince and the air changed back to suffocation and regretful choices such as speaking after being in a slight coma. He shook his head instead and scooted away with as much difficulty as expected. He had wasted enough time and lost enough money. By now the reds and blues had probably regrouped and figured out their next weak plan...

Locus didn't speak, and quite frank Felix was fine with him being silent. He was focused on finding his armor from the edge of a floor bound mattress. He cursed under his breath and braced his palm against the wall steadying himself as he stood and again cursed the strangled noise that left his throat. his armor was just across the room, he could get in it and let it do whatever power armor does.

He didn't count on the first step being complete agony. What was he the little mermaid? Walking was easy, he could make the short foot and be done. But as he took another step the pain shot through him and he cried out falling forwards. he expected to go face first with exposed wood but instead found himself braced against a warm chest. "Felix...you need to rest.." Locus secured his arms around the younger and forced him around.

"I've..rested to much.." was Felix's weak reply. He half heavyhearted attempted to shove at Locus' arms but the motion only tired him. Locus shook his head and laid him back down on the mattress, checking to make sure Felix hadn't torn any of the stitches. Felix weakly waved his hand and tried to turn away but a firm hand held him down by the chest. "Your to injured. You didn't get lucky this time Felix..."

it occurred to Felix how exhausted his partner sounded. And upon a tired inspection it was even more obvious. Locus had half his hair up, bags creasing under his eyes and the scars over his face looking sickly. He looked half dead as he maneuvered Felix around so that he could finish examining him. Felix frowned and sighed,"How long.." he coughed and Locus narrowed his eyes before pulling a sheet over the other.

"You've been out for three days. Your armor's not coming online, and we've had zero contact to Control." Locus sat down beside him and shook his head. Felix frowned,"no..crew?" he winced and sighed closing his eyes. Locus shook his head,"No. The liability was to high. I couldn't risk it."

"Couldn't risk me rather..."Felix mumbled and that earned him a scoff. Locus ran a hand through the younger's hair before speaking, "Lots of people would get great pleasure from slitting your throat while you were comatose.."

Felix gave an attempt at a laugh,"How kind of you...protecting the poor damsel.." he reached up and attempted to swat at Locus' hand.

The mood changed when Locus grabbed his hand and tightened his grip. They both went quiet.

"Your talking..it failed our mission..."

"I figured.."

"He stabbed you..."

"I noticed.."

"I thought you'd died..."

Felix blinked and frowned turning to face Locus. His eyes were cast downwards, and Felix could tell he was looking for any signs of said injury. A soft feeling made its way through his system. Not quite pity or sympathy. It was tender and he despised it. He hated feeling any softness towards his partner. But after all they'd been through it was inevitable. After all they'd done..

"Well just get them next time. We'll kill 'em all. And We'll do it together." He curled his fingers around Locus' and nodded as if vowing.

Locus pulled their hands to his face and pressed his lips to back of Felix's. "Show him what is like to be torn apart.."

Felix smiled fondly, despite himself.

"Locus..."


	4. A posse ad esse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "From possibility to actuality"

Felix smiled despite himself.

“Locus…”

**  
** The emergency lights above him flashed. Sirens blared and warnings kept repeating themselves. The over head display relaying the same line:

 

**..ING - TOTAL ENGINE FAILURE - WARNING - OXYGEN LEVELS DECREASING - WARNING - ATMOSPHERIC ELEVATION DECREASING - WARN...**

  
The crew ran around frantically calling on pods and jumping ship, their only concern for person number one.  Stepping over his limp body and fleeing the scene. As the last man faded from his hearing the gravity field shut down and his body began to drift forwards. The blood seeping past his power armor floating in pretty circles around his head. Somewhere near his chest there was a but lodged deep inside of him, like a stack through the undeads heart. 

The flashing lights became dull and the sounds began to blur together. But he was still there, still thinking. Thinking about how quickly the situation got outta hand when the army of chorus attacked. How quickly the reds and blues found them. How quickly Kimball took out her pistol and shot him square in the chest. 

  
How quickly Locus had left him.

He didn't blame him...who stayed for a fallen man? They were mercenaries, it was ever man for himself. 

So no, it wasn't a surprise it hurt Felix more than the wound itself to see Locus turn his back and walk away.

what's surprising, is the fact he ever stayed in the first place.

 

 

Years ago, when their team was just starting to fall apart. the younger members were the first to get picked off. When the CO got shot down Locus took his gun in "commemoration". Felix just thought he was still trying to fill in the void that man had instilled into him. Locus would constantly push himself over and over until he faced every situation with a cant turn back keep fighting attitude. The perfect soldier.

Felix was the last man to be shot, the rest had faded and vanished but a small straggler group had been sticking together.

He woke up three days later in a sterile room to the news that his unit had been discharged honorably. It wasn't surprising. What was, was Locus sitting there waiting. He couldn't remember the conversation for the life of him, but he did remember part of Locus' reasoning. "There wasn't anyone else left."

Ever since, it was them. Just them. No one else could be trusted and no one else could possible understand. 

There wasn't anyone else left...

 

 

Even now, even as he was dying... Felix honestly hadn't seen this as any possibility to his eventual demise. 

 

There wasn't anyone else left...


	5. Acta non verba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deeds, not Words

There wasn't anyone else left. 

 

Locus favored his left and worked his way down the halls, grabbing onto the beams and cold steel for support as blood leaked from his side and trailed behind him. It wasn't his only wound, but it was one he could control. He Had three bullet wounds and one burning ache deep in his core. Being thrown from a moving vehicle tended to leave a mark. 

 

He shoved his way into the lower control room where the emergency engine was still trying to maintain the thousand of pounds of floating still. He clutched onto the console and activated his malfunctioning gravity boots as the room began to tilt and things began lifting from their place.

The rest of the ship had fled, the few who remained desperate to find a way out. But it was a lost cause. 

Because there were none left. The ship had been left to float away into space. But if there was one thing Locus could do, it was this.

he set the coordinates to the Capitol of Chorus and set the ship into what was left of auto pilot. The console sparked and crackled, Locus cursed beneath his helmet and set the controls to manual. He pulled his helmet off and used the tie holding his hair back to jam the hold forward. It might not hit the mark, but damn if it wasn't going to leave one. He left his helmet on the console to float away from his grasp.

Locus pulled himself away and slowly made the trek towards the bridge. Dodging falling beams and floating debris. Blood trailed behind him in a long chain.

His hair feel loosely against the back of his neck, his skin felt on fire. Above the sirens added a new term to their list of growing concerns.

**...IMMINENT IMPACT DETECTED... WARNING...IMMINENT IMPACT DETECTED...**

Locus shook his head to clear the fog, slowly moving along. 

The scene reminded him to much of the last day of his team...

 

There wasn't anyone left to save, his CO was long gone, the mission had been a success but three of the members had been taken out. Their were only four left now. 

He had been trying to contact anyone, anyone at all to help him get to extraction. but he couldn't find anyone.

Until he had found him. Felix was slumped against a wall blood spilling freely from his wounds and his head lolled to the side. At first locus thought him to be another statistic...until his body twitched and he let out a pathetic whimper.

Locus had stood above him, watching the injured man fall apart further. He was pathetic and weak. Locus could have ended him, put him out of his misery. He wouldn't have been any use to the war injured like that.

Like a true soldier, Locus could have counted his loses and left him there.

But he hadn't. he dragged Felix to extraction one arm holding him up.

All the while Felix had floated in and out between moans of pain and unconscious silence.

 While the city burned down around them Locus carried his comrade out of the flames, into the awaiting ship and to the medics carrier.

 

Ever since, he had been carrying Felix's weight.

While Felix carried Locus' slack in communication, Locus would always be the one carrying around the wight of Felix's ambitions,his victories, his failures. 

It was the only thing that kept him human anymore, kept him from completely slipping into a machines mind.

 

And as he stepped through the bridges door, he was again reminded that they were in fact human.As the Capitol of Chorus cam closer and closer through the main window, Locus came closer and closer to Felix's limp form. his gravity boots deactivating and he floated forward reaching out. 

It may have been his last chance to see Felix's face...

 

 


	6. Adsum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am Here

It was the last time he was going to see Felix's face.

 

Locus unclasped the helmet and watched it float away turning over and over glinting with the steady stream of light that came with the ever growing heat against the ships exterior. Locus cradled Felix closer to him, his vision getting strained. Felix had closed his eyes but Locus couldn't feel for his pulse. He didn't want to.

Their combined wounds bleed out in trails around them, the sirens eventually cut out and the last of the engine died. The ship was in free fall towards Chorus now. 

They always did say that they would go down together. And of course they would take everyone with them.

Locus frowned and sighed leaning his head down. The sound of pure force was the only thing breaking the silence.

He could feel the faintest breath from Felix, but he couldn't be sure if he was still there.

Even so, he supposed, it was alright.

Locus looked up in time to see a large burst of white come hurdling towards the ship...

"Felix...I'm here...Felix...."

 

 

...

 

"Felix, the name is Felix." 

The soldier next to him extended an armored hand outward. Locus couldn't read his expression behind the mask, but the greeting sounded genuine. He carefully extended his own hand. This Felix tilted his head,"Huh..not one for introductions? Oh well. Guess we have time to get over that."

Locus frowned, not so sure as he let his hand fall back to his side. "I'm sure this unit won't be necessary for long." 

Felix shrugged,"Still. We've got some time. CO says our first mission is tomorrow, if you need me you can figure out where to find me." he turned and waved his hand behind him "I have a feeling about you, I think we'll get along famously." Locus frowned but nodded,"Your feeling might not be so correct.." but Felix was already out the door.

Felix peeked around the edge of the doorway, "oh and by the way, nice helmet. very fashionable." he laughed and turned back away again.

Locus huffed, it was going to be a long few years. 

He was going to be here for a while. 

 

....

 

"The debris from the explosion still needs to be cleared. but we have the united Army of Chorus to thank for today's victory. The ship was successfully destroyed before it crash landed on the Capitol." a news reporter excitedly reported through one of the small radios set up throughout chorus.

Everyone was helping to pick up debris and settle all of the day's statistics. 

Tucker was scrounging around the wreckage trying to ignore the stitches and bandages he had been given after battle, when he froze and dug out a familiar dome shaped helmet. His grip tightened and he narrowed his eyes. He looked around unable to find its owner. Agent Wash came to his side and frowned, "we haven't found anything else from them.." one of his arms was in a make shift sling and he was sporting a bright bruise on his jaw. Most of the soldiers had discarded their armor for a while, finally freed from the worst part of battle.

Tucker sighed,"Good Riddance..." he let the helmet fall away. He stood there watching the smoke and people scramble around, not catching whatever it was that Wash was telling him.

"Hey..did you hear me?" Wash elbowed him getting a grunt.

"What...no...sorry man..lost my train of thought."

Wash rolled his eyes,"Come on, Caboose just radioed in. Sarge and Lina got that ship in. Were packing up and heading out." He turned to walk back to towards the awaiting warthogs. Tucker frowned,"Where we going next?" he called after.

Wash shrugged,"I don't know..home I guess." he yawned and climbed in. Tucker frowned and wanted to say something, but really couldn't find what words to say. so instead he climbed in and started the warthog, taking on last look at the wreckage before driving away.

Somewhere, a train whistled and life...life started again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, omg..omg..thank you for putting up with my busy mind and late updates. i stayed up till 4 30 to finish this. I'm perfectly ok with how I'm ending this. From a little one shot idea to a nice short fic. haha. much love to my fans, much much love to my readers.

**Author's Note:**

> What a good end to a first chapter, hope your ready fro more ;D  
> any questions or comments or just exclamations! Tell me!
> 
> OMG, this idea has been haunting me! For weeks now I've been wanting to put this into words, and with the help of my good friend Yin I've been able to expand on it!
> 
> Its going to be short and imagery heavy, so thank you for reading!


End file.
